A thread about ageing (1 Viewer)

Oh the JOY of waking up and wondering if your ankles, knees or hips are going to be hurting this morning. It usually wears off after a few minutes, but I have to go out and have a good stretch on the landing to loosen things up a bit, before I can be confident of my ability of being able to walk downstairs safely.
 
That's the other thing. Something my dad said years ago always sticks in my mind. "At a certain point, you just realise that all the things you thought you were going to do when you were younger probably aren't going to happen".

Yes, this totally rings true.

I find myself stuck between "I thought this and that might have happened by now" and "give yourself some grace, you were very ill a few years ago and you have done incredibly well during the past four years." quite often, cause I do feel I am pretty much the healthiest I've ever been.

Along with that, there's also an element of living a life that I somewhat stopped planning for some 4-5 years ago cause I didn't know if I'd reach 40/be in a physical condition to live a normal life which can still be disorienting at times.
 
Forgive me if I’m coming at this from some sort of privilege of being healthy but what is stopping people doing things they want because they reach the archaic age of 44?

My parents built a house in France in their 50s, my eldest brother is currently travelling around the world now his kids are at uni and has only just stopped playing sunday league.
 
If physical health is something which is necessary for your plans, then I guess it's sensible to try and do certain things while you're younger, just because you're more likely to have that health when you're 30 than 50+.

Obviously there are other life commitments and considerations as well, but otherwise, ABSOLUTELY, if you still want to do those things in your 40s, 50s and beyond that you wanted to do in your 20s and 30s and you can make it work, fucking do them. I've no doubt it's probably good to do so to stop yourself from feeling old.
 
If physical health is something which is necessary for your plans, then I guess it's sensible to try and do certain things while you're younger, just because you're more likely to have that health when you're 30 than 50+.

Obviously there are other life commitments and considerations as well, but otherwise, ABSOLUTELY, if you still want to do those things in your 40s, 50s and beyond that you wanted to do in your 20s and 30s and you can make it work, fucking do them. I've no doubt it's probably good to do so to stop yourself from feeling old.
I get that, I accept my chances of being a rally driver have diminished, but it just seems so defeatist to say ALL YOUR DREAMS ARE NOW DEAD
 
I get that, I accept my chances of being a rally driver have diminished, but it just seems so defeatist to say ALL YOUR DREAMS ARE NOW DEAD
They are in their late 30s. That was when I personally started to evaluate things that way.

When you hit your 40s, you realise that it's essentially no barrier at all, potential health issues aside.

You'll also discover other dreams as well. And perhaps be more inclined to act on them with more of a sense of urgency, as 'the rest of your life' is a different prospect.
 
I'm 51 now and I am absolutely fine with it. Part of it is undoubtedly my mother dying at the age of 45 - I view aging as a privilege and one I would have given anything for her to have. My father is 78 - he is sprightly, active, sharp as a tack and only now winding down to retirement. So I have an amazing and inspiring role model for aging too. I am too heavy and need to buckle down to deal with that before it creates different problems but, other than that, I feel content.

Now, feel free to cast this up to me whenever I'm moaning about my sore shoulder, my sore back, oooh, me right knee is playing up, always happens when it's raining etc etc.
 
I echo the privilege thing, but the side effects of ageing are certainly a counterbalance.

It's taken me this long to realise I physically and mentally can't do full time work. I think that was something I always struggled with. But I'm mature enough to recognise that.

My brother is 40 this year and he's really going through it. We've both had terrible physical health in the last few years. He actually does have cancer and there was a period last year when as far as we were all concerned, both of us had a cancer. Thankfully mine was benign and he's responded well to treatment, but that shit takes it out of you. Add the flurry of chest infections, including pneumonia and covid, and it feels like I've aged a decade since 2020.

Retirement has ruined my parents. I'm not sure any of my mum doesn't hurt, and my Dad forgot 9/11 the other week. They're in their 70s. My only goal is really to have more experiences than them, and I'd probably done that by 21.

That all being said, I shaved my beard off the other day, and with my midlife crisis longer hair, I looked like the creepy man-child I always aspired to be.
 
I don't feel physically old yet, but one read of twitter is honestly like a different language. I'm not able to keep up with the yooth on a cultural level at all. I think I was always a bit of an old soul growing up so now I'm just ancient old man who yells at clouds and has zero grip with new technology.
 
I don't feel physically old yet, but one read of twitter is honestly like a different language.
I feel like I am able to just about keep up with and understand Gen Z on social media, but the brainrot of Gen Alpha is just impenetrable.

WHY IS YOUR MAIN INTEREST TOILETS WITH HEADS IN THEM!? WHAT WAS WRONG WITH POKEMON AND DRAGONBALL Z!?
 
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I suppose in my 20s I thought I would live abroad for a bit at some point, but I'm not fussed now.

Honestly the single worst thing for me by a long way is wondering how long my parents have left. Because I love them, obviously, but also because when my mum goes it's going to be left to me to make sure my autistic brother is OK. And he lives in the middle of nowhere in Norfolk and I don't drive and like fuck am I moving up there.
 
I feel like I am able to just about keep up with and understand Gen Z on social media, but the brainrot of Gen Alpha is just inpenetrable.

WHY IS YOUR MAIN INTEREST TOILETS WITH HEADS IN THEM!? WHAT WAS WRONG WITH POKEMON AND DRAGONBALL Z!?
No printer.
 
I suppose in my 20s I thought I would live abroad for a bit at some point, but I'm not fussed now.

Honestly the single worst thing for me by a long way is wondering how long my parents have left. Because I love them, obviously, but also because when my mum goes it's going to be left to me to make sure my autistic brother is OK. And he lives in the middle of nowhere in Norfolk and I don't drive and like fuck am I moving up there.
My Dad is 11 years older than my Mum so I’ve long accepted that at some point shes going to be without him and we’ll have to take her in. But she can just come along with whatever stupid shit I’m on with.
 
My Dad was the warden of an elderly person's accommodation block when he died, and my mum moved into the accommodation provided. They sold the family home.

When he died, she stayed on there, even though she was only in her mid/late 50s at that point and didn't 'need' it.

I'm so pleased she did now - with her reduced mobility she'd never be able to manage a flight of stairs, and although she wouldn't be isolated as such as she always has family around, I would be a lot more worried about her if she lived alone in a house somewhere. I'm very grateful she (and I) was spared the stress and upheaval of moving into more suitable accommodation which she'd have had to have done a couple of years ago.
 
My Dad is 11 years older than my Mum so I’ve long accepted that at some point shes going to be without him and we’ll have to take her in. But she can just come along with whatever stupid shit I’m on with.
Obviously, I don't know your mum, but I wouldn't be entirely surprised if she would love some of that stupid shit - my mum got far more of an appetite for new experience after she was widowed.
 
Obviously, I don't know your mum, but I wouldn't be entirely surprised if she would love some of that stupid shit - my mum got far more of an appetite for new experience after she was widowed.
She’ll have no choice. I’m her favourite (and only) son.
 
I don't feel physically old yet, but one read of twitter is honestly like a different language. I'm not able to keep up with the yooth on a cultural level at all. I think I was always a bit of an old soul growing up so now I'm just ancient old man who yells at clouds and has zero grip with new technology.

I feel like the COVID lockdown ending was the moment it hit me like a ton of bricks that I was now in what the X Factor would call THE OVERS.

I went on a night out and half the room were in baggy trousers and ASOS crop tops and I was like "Oh. Can't relate."

I had a similar feeling with a few friends who are on the cusp of millennial/gen z who love to film themselves and others all the time, and I just do not have that built-in nonchalance about being on camera that they have.
 
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I feel like the COVID lockdown ending was the moment it hit me like a ton of bricks that I was now in what the X Factor would call THE OVERS.

I went on a night out and half the room were in baggy trousers and ASOS crop tops and I was like "Oh. Can't relate."

I had a similar feeling with a few friends who are on the cusp of millennial/gen z who love to film themselves and others all the time, and I just do not have that built-in nonchalance about being on camera that they have.
Yeah, I'm a sucker from doomscrolling through Facebook/insta shorts and while I enjoy them/they kill some time, I just can't fathom the idea of whipping my phone out to film "my husband's reaction when I come from Tesco's", or to film my random thoughts in my car on my way to get boba.

I'd say it's a generational thing but actually several I see are my age or older, so clearly there are people who just find it easier to follow the trends of the YOOTH, like @dUb and Jonathan Bennett from Mean Girls.
 
51 next month and it really is starting to mess with my head. 😬 I don’t feel old mentally although I am way out of touch with quite a lot and far from down with the kids but I am healthy, and my face hasn’t caved in yet so I will carry on with what I am doing until that day comes. Then probably carry on with what I am doing. 🤷‍♀️

*sparks up cigarette and swigs at a martini*
 
Does anyone think having an older or younger partner makes a difference to how old you feel yourself?

Just pondering it myself having gone from someone 14 years older to someone 4 years younger. I'm not sure. It does freak me out slightly that my ex will be 60 in less than 18 months' time. 😱
 
Forgive me if I’m coming at this from some sort of privilege of being healthy but what is stopping people doing things they want because they reach the archaic age of 44?

My parents built a house in France in their 50s, my eldest brother is currently travelling around the world now his kids are at uni and has only just stopped playing sunday league.

Well, I take your point, but I'm certainly not going to be the Olympic athlete I'd hoped to be and financially, I'm beginning to realise my "one day" dreams are also fairly unlikely.
 
Does anyone think having an older or younger partner makes a difference to how old you feel yourself?

Just pondering it myself having gone from someone 14 years older to someone 4 years younger. I'm not sure. It does freak me out slightly that my ex will be 60 in less than 18 months' time. 😱
Oh it definitely makes a difference. Mr L was 60 a few months ago, and has just applied for voluntary redundancy.

He's 7 years older than me, and I've seen him through his 40th, 50th and 60th birthdays, all the while thinking 'what an old bastard', but then by the time I hit that milestone, I've worked through any personal anxiety about it.

4 years is nothing (neither is 7), but I can totally see how I'd feel differently if I was the older one in the relationship.
 
There are things I consider unlikely (not impossible but maybe... unwise) at my age like having kids. But I don't have much interest in that now anyway, I'm not confident enough in humanity's future even if I did attract women (don't know why, technically pan but I only really attract other queer people)

Most other things don't seem out of the question. Won't be an Olympic gold winner or a professional astronaut (ah the dreams of a young boy) but things like travelling to Japan or America, long as they don't ground us all due to climate change, still seem doable for a while.

I think the most likely thing to "interrupt" will be elderly parents. So there is some time pressure to live before things go to shit that way.
 
My ex was 5 years younger than me and, while it didn’t really feel like a big difference, I did start having the feeling of being the “old one” as the years passed. Thankfully he was shit and I dumped him after turning 40 so problem solved. :D

I live in a big University town and this year we have about 7000 college kids that have moved in and that’s when it hits that I am well beyond those years :vor:
 
Does anyone think having an older or younger partner makes a difference to how old you feel yourself?
Oh definitely. Even just having younger friends. Ex was 25 and that's about where most of my friends from the VR community are also. Very easy to forget you're in your 40s. The somewhat creepier side is realising they could be your offspring.
 
I maintain that I'd be (even more of) an old cunt if it wasn't for moopy. It definitely gives me a perspective I wouldn't get without it.
 
I think we all age at different rates, mentally and physically. My dad is 77 and is still in very good shape. My mom is in her late 60s and in great shape too. But I know they will start showing more signs of old age as time goes on. Some aspects of luck, but they both exercise daily and eat healthy for the most part.

My mother doesn't have a great memory, but then again she never did. But then I see people younger than them who can hardly walk and/or have all kinds of health issues. Some of my friends' parents are getting very old and its hard to see. One of my best friends is worried about his parents constantly, because they have new health problems all the time and are either unwilling or unable to do much about them.

Of course parts of our health are out of our control, but there are ways to stay young (with a nice dose of good luck)
 
it just seems so defeatist to say ALL YOUR DREAMS ARE NOW DEAD
Totally agree regardless of feeling like an old fart most of the time. Essentially the main thing I know for granted I won't be able to do if i wanted to is have kids and tbh that's more due to legal and financial reasons than age.
 
I’ve started GROANING when getting out of low chairs

So there’s THAT
Low chairs start GROANING when I get in them

Joke Shade GIF by Desus & Mero
 
So…. In a nutshell, I’ve had three friends die unexpectedly in the last couple of weeks. Its probably due to their age and the ‘unexpected’ aspect (one unknown, one massive epileptic fit/cardiac arrest and the other a fatal car crash) that’s hitting home, but the old sayings are true. You just never know when your time is up.
 
Bloody hell. That’s a lot to take in a few days, for anyone of any age ❤️
 

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