Moopyvision 2000-2009: Round 4 - France, Bosnia & Ireland RESULTS

I don't know what the rest of you girls were on but I distinctly remember Ireland getting back-to-back wins for a second decade on the trot
 
God some of this is DREK!!!

Hoping for Deen to lead the way, my tits were torn off yet again by that one. Deen gyrated so Mihai could run, indeed.

Resigned to Pat winning France. Self-proclaimed discerning gays are but moths to her flame. "I just adoooore Chanson" :rolleyes:
 
Well I have finished, and frankly I am FUMMING that Poison Pen subjected us to that lot. I demand at least one decent country next time PLEASE!

A little tickled at the idea of Moopers trying to decide which Irish turd to pin the rosette on :D even my 12 points song isn't that good
 
By contrast I found the first two rounds really hard to rank because it's all so GOOD :D

Well, 1.5 rounds anyway. France really falls off a cliff after my top four. But Bosnia absolutely slapped in the 2000s! I genuinely pained me to give out a zero!
 
Wading through these now. France is all very accomplished and all that, but most of these exactly the fucking same ballads aren't exactly lighting my ass up. All that effort and nothing touches on Pastora, A Million Voices etc. But yet, not unpleasant and I have a VERY strong fondness for one which I expect to see near the bottom end of the results.

Also, they were completely robbed in one instance when they attempted to switch things up, and no I don't mean Sébastien.

And :D at Ortal. 2005 really was a bloodbath of basic bangers and all the better for it
 
If France was wading into the river, then Bosnia is that moment before drowning where everything seems magical, elated and entirely (and cheaply) euphoric.

And then Ireland shatters the illusion, forcing you to look down on your bloated, fish-eaten corpse for all eternity while these wretched songs play on repeat.
 
The way Bosnia instantly switches from fun tatty pop to serious ethno balladry is something else.

And then what the hell is 2008 :D I remember this one now, what a silly delight

How am I supposed to rank these, they're all douzes!
 
I'm halfway through Ireland

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Even the Irish song titles are nauseating and why do they always send dreary men except the one time they sent Chastity from Emmerdale in 2007

God what a horrible nation!
 
Dustin the Turkey might have been fun if it didn't clearly come from a place of BITTER ENTITLEMENT.

You deserve this run of torment for dominating a decade with songs that punched well above their weight scoreboard wise, the results of which meant you felt like any old trampy bloke groaning to a fun-free DIRGE should have done well against countries putting in genuine effort. I hope Terry Wogan is spinning FOREVER AND EVER on a spit rotated by a hot piece from the SOUK
 
Both France and Bosnia are a JOY. Only two songs each that I would actively SKIP if they popped up randomly on Spotify.

We don't speak of the other country in this round. If you do, that's your choice but I won't.
 
Have realised that my weekend will feel empty without 30 more songs to wade through and rank.

(and before Suomi or ButterTart pops up yes I'll vote in ASFM).
 
I think we would like that. Don’t listen to the first eight Irish songs in the meantime in case they drive you back to the drugs.
 
10th: Virginie Pouchain - Il était temps (59pts)
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Over the course of my relapse, I (inter alia):
  • Deleted all my socials in a fit of pique
  • Had a day where I was convinced I was the reincarnation of Dido, Queen of Carthage
  • Had a following day where I was convinced that I was going to be done for tax fraud for ticking the Gift Aid box when I wasn't eligible for it
  • Developed a disturbing dependence on San Pellegrino
  • Had a night where a vision of @Tetris-Rock insisted I was morally at fault for supporting Sweden over Italy this year and this was why I was solely responsible for the failure of COP26
  • Had the drain pump for my walk-in shower fail and flood my corridor, wherein the arsehole downstairs stormed up and started screaming death threats through my front door because I'd "destroyed everything" that he owned
Why am I relating this? Firstly, because it's an easy way of getting you all off my back for doing the results for this a month late, but more importantly because it's far more interesting than every single element of this absolute fucking dog of a one-note ballad - and it's a note Mme Pouchain doesn't even SING IN TUNE! Fifty nine points! I FUCKING ASK YOU!

1 x 10 (@auretz)
8 x 0 (@Penelope, @Queen of the Bay, @AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaAAaaaA, @David 5000, @dmlaw, @Madison, @Pingu, @Raining On Me)
 
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Sorry you’ve had a time of it @Penelope

If the idea of running through Ireland’s litany of horror isn’t enough to put a smile on your face, nothing is.
 
We may have given that horrible thing 59 points but, in our defence, it was quite hard to remember which one it was.
 
9th: Jonatan Cerrada - À chaque pas (61pts)
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A truly brutal result here from Moopy for this twink with his very 2004 hair. By no means the best in this French line-up, but I have to confess a sneaking regard for this in a 'would've been a decent Gareth Gates number one' kind of way.

Appropriately, Jonatan here (born in Belgium to Spanish parents - hence the little bit in Spanish at the end, which garnered a princely 4 points from Español :D) came out of the first season of Nouvelle Star, France's answer to Pop Idol. This did relatively well by semi-final era French standards, but 15th probably felt like a bit of a disappointment off the back of sending their reality star of the day, plus the back-to-back top fives the French had racked up not too long before this. Though frankly if they'd wanted to do better, I'd have advised a better performance than sending in Marie-Line to spend the whole thing fighting her sleep paralysis demons on stilts.

Anyway, Jonatan has since moved to Bali, got rid of that unsightly neck tattoo and had QUITE the glow-up - and if that isn’t the Instagram of a gay man right there then MY NAME’S VoR!



1 x 8 (@AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaAAaaaA)
4 x 0 (@auretz, @Ill Advised, @Zu 2, @VoR)
 
8th: Sofia Mestari - On aura le ciel (75pts)
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(That photo has been reducing me to inexplicable fits of giggles intermittently for the last five weeks. The sheer SELF SATISFACTION :D)

It's basically Des’ree's You Gotta Be meets True Colours, dressed as Jasmine Kara - Gravity in a C&A suit dress resized for Chiara. Of course it came second last.

The greater wonder, really, is that it won a national selection, although you probably won't be too surprised to learn it was a case of the juries overruling the public, which plumped for this pleasingly dramatic slice of old bollocks



1 x 10 (@win_the_game)
1 x 0 (@Diddy)
 
7th: Les Fatals Picards - L'amour à la française (82pts)
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REALLY girls? I got The Moniker titting about over the top of a load of pseudo-novelty from this, but this one actually found something of a light fanbase throughout the voting - or at least, enough to keep insistently hauling it out of the bottom pack.

Anyway, Europe wasn't particularly impressed much by this either in 2007, albeit with the caveat that Europe wasn't particularly impressed much by anything the old guard sent that year. To whatever extent there were any votes for this sort of thing, I'd imagine they pretty much all went to Sweden's take on it with The Ark, with this getting a handful of pity points from Albania, Lithuania, Armenia and Estonia, and the requisite shameful bounty from Andorra in an 8.

Intriguingly on the national final side, it looks like the French had a similar Big Brovaz style impulse in their selection too that year, with this finishing as the runner-up. Vox-permitting, it feels like it almost certainly would've done better.



1 x 12 (@Diddy)
5 x 0 (@win_the_game, @Kratz, @Soldi, @Music, @Ag)
 
6th: Ortal - Chacun pense á soi (125pts)
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OMG OMG OMG at this modern classic (sadly I could only give it a 10). Bringing to mind such luminaries as Mis-Teeq and Verbalicious, this slice of heart-stopping pop drama coltishly strode out at the end of proceedings at the 2005 contest and then summarily...came second last. Some say the second verse featuring backing singers making sounds eerily similar to a birthing horse scared off the viewers of Europe, but I personally wish to believe that everyone watching other than me and a select few other gays / voters in nations that awarded Ortal points simply blacked out for three minutes.

Hailing from Israel, the remainder of Ortal's career features an album called 'Jewish Hits Music', and a collaboration called 'Just Like That' with an Israeli duo called KNOB. I am not making this up. Neither am I making up the sumptuous delight of the translation of Chacun pense á soi's middle eight, which really calls to mind Valentina's famed All Stars 4 French vanilla fantasy / @Suomi and I's continued insistence that Statements in fact won Eurovision 2017

Même si la réalité
N'est pas notre vérité
On continue à y croire
A se battre pour notre histoire

Même si le prix à payer
Est plus cher à chaque fois
On continue à y croire
Des espoirs pour nos espoirs

Even if the reality
Is not our truth
We keep believing in it
In this fighting for our history

Even if the price to pay
Is higher with each time
We keep believing in it
Hopes for our hopes!


2 x 12 (@ZenGiraffe, @ButterTart)
1 x 0 (@Apocalypt Flyer)
 

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