My Top 20 Moments of Real Housewives of Beverley Hills

Suomi

Suomi

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Very much inspired by the greatest Moopy countdown of all time AAAAAAAAA'S TOP 32 REAL HOUSEWIVES MOMENTS , this is more of a forensic DEEP DIVE into the best edition of the Real Housewives franchise, Beverley Hills. Beverley Hills, which is currently on its 12th season, is by far the most 'glamorous' of all of the Real Housewives, but in my opinion also has the most heart. In a town full of phoneys, I think that the storylines and issues covered in this show have been the most 'real', however this countdown will focus on the subtle nuances that make this show also ridiculous. So grab a bottle of Rinna Rose and get ready for some really pernicious behaviour! :disco:

Real Housewives The Dinner Party From Hell GIF
 
20. Erika Jayne’s new poverty house

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I change my mind about whether Erika Jayne knew that her husband had stolen money from plane crash widows and orphans, but I do know that her inspiring use of runny mascara has given me some great tips to get out of trouble with @HerSereneHighnessAnniFrid
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In any case seeing the random shots of Erika’s rented bungalow always makes me giggle for being so out of place on a show which is rooted in showing off extreme wealth and for being so obvious in its intentions to show Erika in a sympathetic light. RHOBH differs from the other editions of the franchise in that a significant amount of airtime is given to showing these huge luxurious mansions and Erika’s arrival on the show in Season 6 really upped the ante in terms of showing off how rich a person can be – private jets and basically having cash dollar money fights with her 88 year old husband.

Amidst her legal troubles, Erika’s new “I’m not hiding money, I’m POOR!” home - which for most of us would actually be a luxury and a wonderful home to have- seems like a massive ruse to get viewers to feel sympathy for Erika. The contrasting shots between Erika’s bungalow and Kathy Hilton’s SMALL CITY of a mansion are striking. They don’t even TRY and make the home look good, with so many aerial shots of this tiny box and pathetic swimming pool.
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Erika does seem to have enough money to keep all five members of her glam squad employed, but the effect of this luxury is lost as you see all six people crammed together in Erika’s tiny kitchen falling over each other trying to hot glue horse hair to Erika’s SCALP.

The other women have mostly stayed loyal to Erika despite the allegations that she knew all of her money was so morally dubiously obtained, but so far only Lisa Rinna seems to bother to make the drive down to the poor side of Beverley Hills to see Erika, and last week Kathy Hilton hid her sister Kyle's purse, presumably from fear that a drunken Erika was going to try and get Kyle's chip and pin. I for one hope to see Erika Jayne meet a new sugar daddy ASAP but until then Erika's rented apartment has a special place in my heart.
 
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19. Yolanda’s Lemon Cleansing Scheme/Attempted Indoctrination of Kim Richards
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Yolanda is the Dutch power top who consistently outmanouevered all attacks from the other RHOBH women until she was struck down by Lyme Disease in Season 6. Her most bizarre storyline came quite early in the show when she decided she wanted poor recovering alcoholic Kim Richards to take part in her ten-day juice cleansing programme, a programme which would consistent of consuming nothing but lemon juice using the lemons grown in her gigantic Hollywood lemon orchard. It is at this point I feel it would be remiss of me to not point out that many of these women do not have jobs.

Early in the episode we see hints that this lemon scheme no joke, as one of Yolanda’s minions is up at an ungodly hour dosing up bottle after bottle of Yolanda’s lemon juice, whilst Yolanda uses the screentime to boast about the health benefits of consuming only lemons.

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Yolanda – who also injects lamb fetuses into her face in a bid for immortal youth – then invites Kim’s sister Kyle round to try her lemon concoction. Kyle is visibly shaking from the point she sets foot in Yolanda’s Lemon Emporium and can barely swallow the lemon mixture she is given – often breaking the fourth wall by looking in the direction of the production team. Yolanda can barely contain her fury that Kyle's sister Kim had not shown up to today's important Lemon Cleansing Masterclass. Realising that she has to do whatever she can to escape committing to this insane ten day lemon-only cleanse, Kyle ruthlessly agrees with Yolanda that her sister should do the cleanse, and promises to try and bring her as tribute. Satisfied with this offering, Yolanda frees Kyle and sets her sights on getting Kim.

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That night all of the ladies attend a dinner at a Moroccon restaurant, and Yolanda sets out to find out why Kim thought she could escape her generous offer of attending her first Lemon Cleansing Masterclass. What follows is a write up I found on a blog (and cannot better) of this terrifying exchange, including an actual screenshot of Yolanda's eyes going black as the rage within her seeps out.

Once Kim arrives, the topic of that day’s activities comes up and Yolanda leans forward toward Kim, her eyes narrowed to passive-aggressive mascara-blackened slits. “We were waiting for you,” she whispers ominously.

“Waiting for me?”

“You were supposed to come,” chirps Yolanda in a truly horrifying falsetto, her eyes now completely dark. “We were supposed to do the Master Cleanse together.”
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“Yeah, but we hadn’t made a date for it,” Kim says. “I can’t do it anymore. I can’t do it anymore,” she announces flatly.

“You can’t do the Master Cleanse anymore? Why?” Yolanda asks. The energy in the room shifts.
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The attack on Kim is made worse by her sister Kyle taking Yolanda’s side and trying to get Kim to take part in Yolanda’s scheme. There is only one person on RHOBH who is tougher than Yolanda, however, and that is Kim Richards. Kim escapes with her life in tact and the lemon cleansing storyline is quietly dropped, but never forgotten :disco:
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Playback on footage of Kyle's terrifying visit is not available to embed, but can be found HERE: Will Kyle escape?
 
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I don't want to inadvertently give spoilers on what will surely be an ESSENTIAL thread of life, but I just want to say I know what I HOPE number 1 is - and it involves the best ever one-and-done Housewife. :disco:
 
They spent SO much time on the lemons storyline, only for it never to be spoken of again :D

I felt like Yolanda was trying to conceal that she arranged with production for Kim to attend the cleanse and I feel like production didn't tell Kim to create tension.
 
I think Yolanda did clarify at the reunion that she arranged it with production and not with Kim.

Though I wouldn’t blame her not wanting to drink lemon juice, water and pepper for two weeks :D
 
I love the revelation that you would lose weight. Yeah no shit, you’re only drinking lemon juice. That poor tick that gave her Lyme must have died instantly from all the acid.
 
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