The Real Housewives of Cheshire

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Oh as if Joe hasn't cheated on THAT. Nicole's face is half wasp sting, half Pat Butcher: the not that early years.
 

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The footage setting up the roller disco with the cast of Grange Hill (or whatever they have these days), then cut to these old timers looking like Kath, Kim and Sharon shuffling up :D
 

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One of Royston and Vasey turning up as Verka from Eurovision. Well done boys, that's 2 more seconds to add to your best of montage.
 

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I can't quite tell if Dawn is still making Ash have all those fillers in that wig. I'm going to guess yes. Only his arms matter anyway.
 

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So I don't like the new one, but anything that gives Lauren the opportunity to double down on being Lauren is a welcome addition to me.
 

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Dawn: I always speak the truth. It's not my fault if you don't wanna hear it.

Well, it's quite a step down from her previous hits, but it does in enhance the off the cuffs that do strike.
 

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Lauren: I've had my wings clipped, but now it's time to fly.

Reminds me when one afternoon as a child I got crafty with my mother's sanitary towels. Before I knew what they were, those things were fun!
 

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Nicole: I'll either be your best friend or your worst enemy. I don't do anything by halves.

Well certainly not your portions. Also, clear your throat love.
 

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Rachel: the difference between diamonds and your opinion - I ask for diamonds.

Are they just googling for these lines now?
 

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Seema: being a bitch isn't my style, but

Well I can't be bothered typing that. Back to being her brand ambassador again then.
 

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Tanya: I know the difference between right and wrong, and which is more fun.

Overall, a damp squib of intro soundbites from them.
 

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As they're doing sling yoga, I'm realising Perla has gone. Thank whatever voodoo doll shenanigans that finally made her vanish.
 

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For a second I thought Lightning had taken a leaf out of Jet's book and became a therapist, but for dogs.
 

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Episode 5: I don't know why, but I can't stop laughing at that black and white cut-to of Dawn in Africa feeding the children.
 

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Hannah is just so bland. She's said being pregnant is "surreal" 4 times now. I've not been excited for anyone telling me they're pregnant :D
 

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I'm struggling to read the words on the groom re-newing's mum's dress, but think I picked out "usable" and "tinaturner". There is no way Nicole will have liked it at her ceremony in any case. I hope the inside of the them says "moneycantbuytaste".
 

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Is Hannah actually planning on telling the girls she's pregnant at the ceremony? That would mark her for life if I were Nicole (but I'm not, I'm poor and have a neck).
 
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Hope I’m not intruding on your monologue but I am a RHOC fan. Not often you see somewhere online to discuss it.

I know she can be a mammoth bitch at times but I have always been a fan of Wardy, Queen of Cheshire. She’s hilarious and the sort of woman you would love to be friends with but ultimately fear.

Tanya is probably my second favourite, all tits and teeth and guaranteed to provide the entertainment - I imagine she’d be a right fag hag.

Loved loopy Esther and quite a fan of Lauren who manages to expertly shit-stir and come out of most dramas unharmed. Neither here nor there on Seema (although one of her sons is cute), Rachel is an annoying harpy and Hannah is a wannabe. I enjoyed it when the Lystra fake Instagram drama “revealed” Martin as gay... we all know it hun.
 

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Is season 12 still airing? If not, it's ended without a reunion. Nicole is just odd. I'm sure she's simply trying her worst to be kept on as a regular, but she's like a child caught red handed who still denies doing it.

I appear to have seen them all then (I was sure I had missed out a fair few of them), so I'll be giving at least the debut season another airing at some point soon just to appreciate retired icon, boxy Mugali back on the box.
 

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