FAVOURITES SORTER OFFICIAL RANKING OCH COMMENTS
1.
United Kingdom - Sam Ryder -SPACE MAN - A charismatic, soaring TRIUMPH
2.
France - Alvan and Ahez - Fulenn - Probably my favourite French entry ever, or at least since Requiem.
3.
Sweden - Cornelius Jackson - Hold Me Closely - It's so nice to be able to root for Sweden again. A deserving winner.
4.
Austria - Lumix feat. Pia Maria - Halo - I can't wait for the mesmering catastrophe of a live performance

5.
Norway - Subwoolfer - Give That Wolf a Banana - Magnificently stupid and an absolute banger.
6.
Finland - The Rasmus - Jezebel - Jizzy bell lol. Not quite as amazing as their entry last year, but still an easy 10.
7.
Czech Republic - We Are Domi - Lights Off - I don't give a shit who you are, your song slaps and fucks [/Tisch].
8.
Greece - Amanda Georgiadi Tenfjord - Die Together - It's all about that 'IF WE DI-I-I-IE' bit near the end. Oh, and the advocating murder (according to the Greek press).
9.
Montenegro - Vladana - Breathe - An entry like this is ESSENTIAL to Eurovision, and it being Montenegro's comeback single makes it all the more splendid.
10.
Serbia - Konstrakta - In Corpore Sano - The performance has the bearing of a jaded Avon lady who's just had to deal with an elderly relative's prolapse. Obviously I love it.
11.
Armenia - Rosa Linn - Snap - A really quite lovely little song, this. Forms part of her acclaimed Krispy Trilogy alongside other hits 'Crackle!' and 'Pop (Dat Pussy)'
12.
Estonia - Stefan - Hope - In which Laura buys a James Arthur vocoder off the Ebay and performs a tribute to
Bonanza.
13.
Spain - Chanel - SloMo - People were kneecapped, votes were bought, children died. Business as usual for a Spanish preselection but this time it was for a very good cause.
14.
Poland - Ochman - River - So inspired was Ochman by 2019 winner 'Arcade', he decided to cover it for 2022 and hope nobody noticed. I noticed, Ochman. I noticed.
15.
Romania - WRS - Llámame - Got his name from that time the right side of his keyboard was broken. A much needed hit of fruity old nonsense

16.
San Marino - Achille Lauro - Stripper - He has no idea what he's singing and neither do we. Shameless, brazen fun.
17.
Cyprus - Andromache - Ela - A real step down for Cyprus, this. A good song but not the prostitute having a seizure on the sheikh's yacht I've come to expect from them.
18.
Ireland - Brooke - That's Rich - I hope this qualifies. It's fun and I really want her to live her dream of meeting London Grammar.
19.
Netherlands - S10 - De diepte - Not my favourite but I expect it to do very well.
20.
Germany - Malik Harris - Rockstars - Nice message but the Macklemore rap is bewilderingly unnecessary. His teeth confuse me.
21.
Denmark - REDDI - The Show - Sadly, Denmark were just too Danish to pick the interesting song, but I can make do with this.
22.
Azerbaijan - Nadir Rustamli - Fade to Black - Good, but not fully pickling my gherkin quite yet. Ask me again in a month.
23.
Albania - Ronela Hajati - Sekret - I do really like this, I must just have grown bored of it in the sixteen months since it was selected.
24.
Ukraine - Kalush Orchestra - Stefania - I actually feel guilty for this being so low. I've no desire to ever listen to it but I won't be mad if it wins.
25.
Australia - Sheldon Riley - Not The Same - ACTING! An overwrought ode to that time he lost at Snap, just a bit TOO theatrical.
26.
Malta - Emma Muscat - I Am What I Am - Syrupy but decent trash, complete with GAP advert video of multi-ethnic people smiling at gunpoint.
27.
Israel - Michael Ben-David - I.M - Self-absorbed old toot from a man with far too many first names. It does get my foot tapping, I won't lie.
28.
Croatia - Mia Dimšić - Guilty Pleasure - Light, fluffy, pleasant and utterly inconsequential. The Eurovision equivalent of a fun size Milky Way.
29.
Belgium - Jérémie Makiese - Miss You - Teases much, delivers little. Cracking voice, mind.
30.
Bulgaria - Intelligent Music Project - Intention - I'd hate to find out what a thick music project sounded like, Christ alive. (I don't hate it, though)
31.
Portugal - MARO - saudade, saudade - Beige, uninspiring, functional. Like a trolley dash around Bon Marche.
32.
Moldova - Zdob și Zdub & Frații Advahov - Trenulețul - The DoReDos sexy fun playhouse feels like so long ago. Let's hope they can at least keep hold of a microphone.
33.
Georgia - Circus Mircus - Lock Me In - I want to like it but it just sounds like what would happen if you asked a Danish person to make something 'quirky and full-throttle'
34.
Italy - Mahmood & Blanco - Brividi - Disappointingly generic and characterless. This wouldn't have had a look in without Mahmood and all the gay.
35.
Latvia - Citi Zēni - Eat Your Salad - In which Latvia learns that picking a dull song just for one word is a silly idea when that one word can't be sung at Eurovision.
36.
Iceland - Systur - Með hækkandi sól - This Systur pales in comparison to the Sister that won Eurovision in 2019 (if memory serves). There's just nothing to latch on to here.
37.
North Macedonia - Andrea - Circles - Fuck me ragged this is boring; easily the most Eurovision-by-numbers song of the year. FLUSH.
38.
Lithuania - Monika Liu - Sentimentai - What in the Dignitas hold music is this? What the Hell is wrong with Lithuania?
39.
Slovenia - LPS - Disko - Utterly charmless shit from a country capable of so much better. How can an uptempo song be so punishingly boring?
40.
Switzerland - Marius Bear - Boys Do Cry - From that blousy pissbag last year to this ATROCITY. Luca feels so very long ago
