How safe do you feel being LGBTIQ+ in 2023?

[Rowan Tree 🌳]

In your locality mainly, but also further afield.

I feel confident enough and am quite relaxed for the most part about holding my BF's hand, being openly queer and talking about it. But I have noticed a rise in homophobic/transphobic language in public places lately, particularly among younger people. I don't know if it's because I'm using public transport more than normal at the minute, but in the last two months there have been four quite notable events on buses when young people (aged approx. 12 - mid twenties) have been shouting homophobic abuse that has gone beyond calling someone gay in a 'jokey' way, so much so that I've had to ask the driver to deal with it, which is a huge stretch for me because I'm really not confrontational and hate approaching people.

I think there's been an increase in homophobic violence here too. Generally I do feel safe in public areas but I am quite naive in that sense, and recent events have shifted my mindset a little. Again, I'm not sure if it's on the rise or I'm just more frequently in situations where it's been happening at the minute, or if it's a general backlash against LGBT+ media becoming more mainstream and it's just a very vocal minority. It is depressing that it's been coming from young people.

 

[Suomi]

On balance, I would say not very safe at all. We don’t really hold hands in public unless we’re either right in the middle of Soho, somewhere obviously very gay, or in Sweden. I think about it pretty much everytime we go out anywhere.

But also being with someone non-white I realise now that as a white cis gay person I have a privilege in being able to dilute or hide the thing that would potentially get me into ‘trouble’ with the % of idiots out there.

 

[BoysForSeles]

In your locality mainly, but also further afield.

I feel confident enough and am quite relaxed for the most part about holding my BF's hand, being openly queer and talking about it. But I have noticed a rise in homophobic/transphobic language in public places lately, particularly among younger people. I don't know if it's because I'm using public transport more than normal at the minute, but in the last two months there have been four quite notable events on buses when young people (aged approx. 12 - mid twenties) have been shouting homophobic abuse that has gone beyond calling someone gay in a 'jokey' way, so much so that I've had to ask the driver to deal with it, which is a huge stretch for me because I'm really not confrontational and hate approaching people.

I think there's been an increase in homophobic violence here too. Generally I do feel safe in public areas but I am quite naive in that sense, and recent events have shifted my mindset a little. Again, I'm not sure if it's on the rise or I'm just more frequently in situations where it's been happening at the minute, or if it's a general backlash against LGBT+ media becoming more mainstream and it's just a very vocal minority. It is depressing that it's been coming from young people.

I think we are in the same area and I would use public transport to and from the city centre rather than drive and I have not once experienced or seen this. Absolutely not trying to undermine or challenge your experience but just providing my own as a bit of balance.

I’m not sure I’d feel safe here holding hands and walking home after chucking out time but during the day I would although I’d expect a few looks or possible comments. It’s not really done here though but I think that’s more of a cultural thing rather than safety perspective? I generally feel safe because I’m pretty much a big strong boy so don’t seem to attract bullies (I hope I haven’t tempted fate by saying this).

 

[Rowan Tree 🌳]

I think we are in the same area and I would use public transport to and from the city centre rather than drive and I have not once experienced or seen this. Absolutely not trying to undermine or challenge your experience but just providing my own as a bit of balance.

I’m not sure I’d feel safe here holding hands and walking home after chucking out time but during the day I would although I’d expect a few looks or possible comments. It’s not really done here though but I think that’s more of a cultural thing rather than safety perspective? I generally feel safe because I’m pretty much a big strong boy so don’t seem to attract bullies (I hope I haven’t tempted fate by saying this).

I will say that each ride has been the north of the city and it's all been top deck of the bus. But I'm too stubborn to sit exclusively downstairs.

 

[Rowan Tree 🌳]

Nothing on the Glider yet.

 

[BoysForSeles]

I will say that each ride has been the north of the city and it's all been top deck of the bus. But I'm too stubborn to sit exclusively downstairs.

Ah right I’m East. I sort of expect teenagers / younger people in groups on buses to be dicky about anything anywhere to be honest. Sweeping generalisation I know.

 

[BoysForSeles]

Nothing on the Glider yet.

Haven’t been on the glider yet.

 

[Rowan Tree 🌳]

Ah right I’m East. I sort of expect teenagers / younger people in groups on buses to be dicky about anything anywhere to be honest if it’s kids. Sweeping generalisation I know.

I haven't had it in east yet (live east, family north, but between the two at the minute).

I've done the bus routes with schools as a staff member and have worked with teenagers so am used to low level homophobia among school kids, but it did seem a lot more visceral on these occasions. From small groups or pairs of teenagers and early 20s rather than big school groups actually. But they could just be bad eggs.

 

[Star]

It saddens me that this thread has to exist in 2023

 

[Saltwater]

It's very complicated and it's the reason me and bf are not open to everyone, not out of fear for actual safety, cause safety isn't at stake.
But there are things that aren't nice either, without involving physical harm or threat.

 

[Penelope]

I feel very safe, but then, I live in Bristol and am single and don't necessarily read as gay to passers by (depending on what shirt I'm wearing), so it possibly just doesn't feel as pointed for me as it does for @Suomi.

 

[GNL]

I feel pretty safe in the grand scheme of things. I used to get a lot of abuse from the rolled down windows of passing cars as a teenager, but maybe it's because I wore bright yellow skinny jeans? If so, they should have said that instead of calling me a "poof" or telling me to "kill yourself". Specific feedback is important.

 

[ZenGiraffe]

I almost got bottled in December whilst holding someone's hand, which was far from fun. First time in years I've ever felt unsafe for being gay.

 

[RJN]

I feel safe in Atlanta (well not necessarily always safe, but not for gay reasons). But then I am white, cis, and dress fairly masulinely

I absolutely would not feel safe holding hands with a man anywhere else in Georgia

 

[Rachey]

On the island, pretty safe. We've never had any issues. But then again, we aren't a big public displays of affection couple. So people probably think we're friends half the time. But when we talk to people we always talk about being a couple and no one bats an eyelid on the island.

We do a lot of UK holidays, Cornwall, Devon, Wales, Lake District etc and again, same as on the island, never had any issues.

I'm not sure if we've just got lucky, or we just don't flaunt our relationship or what. But I'm grateful that I generally feel very at ease.

Edit...I do also think it's a lot easier for a lesbian couple than a gay couple. I generally find people have no issues with lesbian's, but certain types of people will happily make gay men jokes and comments

 

[cwej]

I have pretty much always felt safe, including when I've been in a relationship. I've always felt pretty comfortable with PDA. But I actively choose to live in a large city like London for that reason, because it makes me feel a lot safer.

 

[cwej]

I also think I've just been very lucky too it seems.

 

[Lucille]

BEING FAGGIER THAN EVER ON THE BUS AND STREETS.

 

[Lucille]

I find it prudent when getting on a bus full of kids to proudly announce at the start your “BUSSY IS TOO HUNGRY FOR BULLSHIT”.

 

[Penelope]

BEING FAGGIER THAN EVER ON THE BUS AND STREETS.

Even the BINS have started mincing!

 

[Lucille]

It always helps to be the most psychotic person in a situation, channel this energy the next time you encounter grief on public transport.

 

[GinAg (39)]

Only a bit unsafe since working in schools, because it's easy to identify coded homophobia, but then that's just teenagers, the majority of which are supercool about it.

For editorial and drunk reasons I decided to mince down the crowded High Street on a Friday night last summer, with extended limp wrists. I think I was just feeling my oats. No one battered all eyelid.

 

[Saltwater]

It's not safety related but it just happened and it's an example of things. There's a primary school here and the children were waiting for their parents to come pick them up in the school yard and one kid had a ball and was shooting with it the other kids screaming "whomever the ball hits is a gayyyyy". The teachers didn't say anything.

 

[Alex]

It's not safety related but it just happened and it's an example of things. There's a primary school here and the children were waiting for their parents to come pick them up in the school yard and one kid had a ball and was shooting with it the other kids screaming "whomever the ball hits is a gayyyyy". The teachers didn't say anything.

Sorry but gays are usually quite good at avoiding THAT sort of BALL

 

[Peekaboo]

It saddens me that this thread has to exist in 2023

This thread could have easily swapped "being LGBTIQ+" for "a woman" and it would have been equally sad if not more because at least gays can "pass" in various scenarios.

SOLIDARITY WITH OUR SISTERS

 

[Tetris-Rock]

I have had a couple of incidents back home in Scotland in 2020 and just over this past Christmas but have rarely experienced homophobia/transphobia in London (as far as I know - I almost always have my headphones on when i’m alone.) Maybe because of this that I have noticed that incidents happen most often when I am with a partner / being affectionate, which means that I do sometimes have second thoughts about public affection in certain contexts. In almost all circumstances I dread passing groups of boys in public. One boy took a swing at me from his bike as I cycled past him and his pals the other day.

With that said, I think reading as I do currently as a more masculine woman means that I am mostly kind of protected from the abuse that both conventionally feminine straight women and gay men receive. I’m not stereotypically attractive enough to straight men to have to deal with their unwelcome attention, and reading as a woman means they tend to stop before coming at me violently. Fear of violence is one of the things that scares me most about potentially becoming more visibly trans. If I started to look more masculine then I feel i’d be much more of a fair game target for a kicking - it is sad that is is something I am thinking about when trying to make decisions to ultimately make me more comfortable in my own skin.

 

[Cloud]

Reasonably. Next town along has a pride event every year (though it does get your usual "I'm not homophobic but stop rubbing it in our faces" crowd in the Facebook comments). But I still don't think I'd hold hands in public much if my BF was over here, especially if there were groups of kids/teens about, they're always the worst.

Some of the guys down the pub (and we're talking "old man" pub here) know I have a BF and are supportive. It's definitely not an age thing as one of the most supportive and progressively-minded there is 74.

There is one I'm a bit guarded about, I've muttered it at him once but either he didn't hear or had selective deafness. He's every form of -ist and -obe it's possible to list (especially racist) and one of those who blames it on his generation (he's 60ish), even though it's usually the 74 year old calling him out. Everyone has literally taken to calling him "Dave the bigot" now. He is one of those who because he knows me would probably be all apologetic about past times he's moaned about "bloody poofs yeah" or whatever, because he's all gobshite but afraid of offending people he actually knows. But I've yet to put that to the test.

Not that it's a competition but I think trans people have it a lot worse than me as a cis gay/bi person tbh, they're seen in the same way as gay people were 30-50 years ago and cunts like Rowling really aren't helping.