VoR
Take it or leave it
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
Brothers and sisters, we begin this year's Melfest on a mournful tip. For the first time since 2013, the lineup for Melodifestivalen 2023 does not contain one single Schlager diva of note. It's been on the cards for a while, yet even after a decade of hysterically predicting the end of the road every time a 2-bit Sonja Aldén ballad failed to go direkt, in the moment it still hurts (ooh it hurts, ooh it hurts)
Goodnight sweet ladies, may flights of angles sing thee to thy rest/bittersweet afterlife working the Diggiloo circuit for unbothered Swedish pensioners.
Anyway, there's no use dwelling on the past, so let's move on to this year's fresh young hopefuls...
1. Tone Sekelius - Rhythm of my Show
(Anderz Wrethov, Dino Medanhodzic, Jimmy "Joker" Thörnfeldt, Tone Sekelius)
Following her heart-warming success last year with My Way, Tone Sekelius is presumably opening this year's contest to reassure the traditional fans that there's still space for a little glitter och glamour in Melfest 2023.
Last year, going out first spelled doom for poor Malou Prytz, but Tone seems rather more broadly well-liked by the Swedish pubic, and with Ace Wilder having been served a court order to prevent her from ruining the careers of any more promising Melfest up and comers, there's a reasonable chance of this going through in some form.
2. LouLou LaMotte - Inga Sorger
(Jonas Thander, Loulou LaMotte)
In the career of every successful girl group, there comes a time when the standout performer must ditch the lesser stars and seize the spotlight for herself. Hoping to follow in the footsteps of icons like Diana Ross, Beyonce and Louise Redknapp, LouLou LaMotte is the first member of The Mamas to strike out on her own.
On the plus side (I said SIDE), there's a clear amount of good will out there, and considerably moreso seeing as she's not the other one who spent four years working in the country without bothering to learn so much as a syllable of Swedish. On the other hand, the combination of the slot of doom and this being a self-penned number does not suggest that this is one of the entries that Loreen should be losing much sleep over.
3. Rejhan - Haunted
(Albin Johnsén, Mattias Andréasson, Pontus Söderman, Tilde "Ronia" Wrigsell)
I swear the turnover for Melfest twinks is getting faster and more brutal as the years go by. Felix Sandman? A has-been! Efraim Leo? Gone without trace! Bishara? PROBABLY DEAD!
Latest onto the conveyor belt of doom is Sweden's Got Talent alum Rejhan, who packed his run on the show primarily with drippy ballads and looks set to do the same here. Per @Hak 'Haunted is a sentimental ballad about a relationship that ended'. Oh Kid, you're 16! Go sniff some glue in a park and THINK ON.
4. Elov & Beny - Raggen går
(Johan Werner, Kristian Wejshag, Mattias Elovsson, Oscar Kilenius, Tim Larsson)
Probably no strangers to huffing suspicious substances in public themselves, Elov & Beny are purveyors of braindead party hits for the youth to binge-drink and Tiktok to, and as such are here to bring a bit of Anis Don Demina energy to the mix. They're quite a big get for SVT, who will presumably be invested in getting them to the finals to bring in that all-important Gen Z viewership. Expect a big stage show and Samir & Viktor-esque shenanigans.
5. Victor Crone - Diamonds
(David Lindgren Zacharias, Peter Kvint, Victor Crone)
I mean honestly, what is the point? Is there anyone, anywhere who's been thinking "y'know who I really want to see at Melfest again? VICTOR CRONE". He's quite possibly the only man alive capable of making Robin Bengtsson look edgy and thrilling.
Still, he epitomises a kind of bland, radio-friendly professionalism that's usually good for a few votes, so don't be surprised if this progresses.
6. Eva Rydberg & Ewa Roos - Länge leve livet
(Emil Vaker, Henric Pierroff, Kalle Rydberg)
AKA the scraps of old HOOF indifferently tossed out in lieu of a Philipsson or a Perelli to the Schlager-loving queers who, lest we forget, HELPED MAKE THIS CONTEST WHAT IT IS TODAY YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARDS
Ahem, anyway yes, this is sadly as close as we're going to get to a schlager diva turn this year, with the geriatric duo whose last entry became the surprise party hit at every nursery and care home across the land returning for a spot of diminishing returns. Like Victor, I'm not sure anybody was really crying out for a second helping of this, but I suppose we have to just take what we're given these days...
7. Jon Henrik Fjållgren & Arc North feat. Adam Woods - Where You Are (Sávežan)
(Calle Hellberg, Jon Henrik Fjällgren, Joy Deb, Oliver Belvelin, Oscar Christiansson, Richard Lästh, Tobias Lundgren, William Segerdahl)
The last time we saw Jon Henrik back in 2019, he had a faint air of yesterday's man about him. His is a kind of schtick which is inevitably going to lose impact the more times it's repeated, and with a third near-miss notched up, it felt like his moment had probably passed. But then that same year saw KEiiNO become breakout stars with a similar pop meets Sami vibe, and suddenly it looked as though maybe JHF had been slept on all along, particularly as Sweden continued to struggle with scoring big televotes in Eurovision.
Three years later he's back again, but with popular Swedish dance producer Arc North behind the (fake) decks, in addition to newcomer Adam Woods on non-joik vocals. All this suggests our man from Mittådalen might be making a timely effort to mix things up a little. Getting a plum heat-closer when you're on your fourth go-round is a fair show of confidence, so this is likely to be a front runner to go straight to the finals.
That's everything! We get journalist reviews on Tuesday and presumably SNIPPETS on Weds or Thurs. Enjoy!
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
Brothers and sisters, we begin this year's Melfest on a mournful tip. For the first time since 2013, the lineup for Melodifestivalen 2023 does not contain one single Schlager diva of note. It's been on the cards for a while, yet even after a decade of hysterically predicting the end of the road every time a 2-bit Sonja Aldén ballad failed to go direkt, in the moment it still hurts (ooh it hurts, ooh it hurts)
Goodnight sweet ladies, may flights of angles sing thee to thy rest/bittersweet afterlife working the Diggiloo circuit for unbothered Swedish pensioners.
Anyway, there's no use dwelling on the past, so let's move on to this year's fresh young hopefuls...
1. Tone Sekelius - Rhythm of my Show
(Anderz Wrethov, Dino Medanhodzic, Jimmy "Joker" Thörnfeldt, Tone Sekelius)
Following her heart-warming success last year with My Way, Tone Sekelius is presumably opening this year's contest to reassure the traditional fans that there's still space for a little glitter och glamour in Melfest 2023.
Last year, going out first spelled doom for poor Malou Prytz, but Tone seems rather more broadly well-liked by the Swedish pubic, and with Ace Wilder having been served a court order to prevent her from ruining the careers of any more promising Melfest up and comers, there's a reasonable chance of this going through in some form.
2. LouLou LaMotte - Inga Sorger
(Jonas Thander, Loulou LaMotte)
In the career of every successful girl group, there comes a time when the standout performer must ditch the lesser stars and seize the spotlight for herself. Hoping to follow in the footsteps of icons like Diana Ross, Beyonce and Louise Redknapp, LouLou LaMotte is the first member of The Mamas to strike out on her own.
On the plus side (I said SIDE), there's a clear amount of good will out there, and considerably moreso seeing as she's not the other one who spent four years working in the country without bothering to learn so much as a syllable of Swedish. On the other hand, the combination of the slot of doom and this being a self-penned number does not suggest that this is one of the entries that Loreen should be losing much sleep over.
3. Rejhan - Haunted
(Albin Johnsén, Mattias Andréasson, Pontus Söderman, Tilde "Ronia" Wrigsell)
I swear the turnover for Melfest twinks is getting faster and more brutal as the years go by. Felix Sandman? A has-been! Efraim Leo? Gone without trace! Bishara? PROBABLY DEAD!
Latest onto the conveyor belt of doom is Sweden's Got Talent alum Rejhan, who packed his run on the show primarily with drippy ballads and looks set to do the same here. Per @Hak 'Haunted is a sentimental ballad about a relationship that ended'. Oh Kid, you're 16! Go sniff some glue in a park and THINK ON.
4. Elov & Beny - Raggen går
(Johan Werner, Kristian Wejshag, Mattias Elovsson, Oscar Kilenius, Tim Larsson)
Probably no strangers to huffing suspicious substances in public themselves, Elov & Beny are purveyors of braindead party hits for the youth to binge-drink and Tiktok to, and as such are here to bring a bit of Anis Don Demina energy to the mix. They're quite a big get for SVT, who will presumably be invested in getting them to the finals to bring in that all-important Gen Z viewership. Expect a big stage show and Samir & Viktor-esque shenanigans.
5. Victor Crone - Diamonds
(David Lindgren Zacharias, Peter Kvint, Victor Crone)
I mean honestly, what is the point? Is there anyone, anywhere who's been thinking "y'know who I really want to see at Melfest again? VICTOR CRONE". He's quite possibly the only man alive capable of making Robin Bengtsson look edgy and thrilling.
Still, he epitomises a kind of bland, radio-friendly professionalism that's usually good for a few votes, so don't be surprised if this progresses.
6. Eva Rydberg & Ewa Roos - Länge leve livet
(Emil Vaker, Henric Pierroff, Kalle Rydberg)
AKA the scraps of old HOOF indifferently tossed out in lieu of a Philipsson or a Perelli to the Schlager-loving queers who, lest we forget, HELPED MAKE THIS CONTEST WHAT IT IS TODAY YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARDS
Ahem, anyway yes, this is sadly as close as we're going to get to a schlager diva turn this year, with the geriatric duo whose last entry became the surprise party hit at every nursery and care home across the land returning for a spot of diminishing returns. Like Victor, I'm not sure anybody was really crying out for a second helping of this, but I suppose we have to just take what we're given these days...
7. Jon Henrik Fjållgren & Arc North feat. Adam Woods - Where You Are (Sávežan)
(Calle Hellberg, Jon Henrik Fjällgren, Joy Deb, Oliver Belvelin, Oscar Christiansson, Richard Lästh, Tobias Lundgren, William Segerdahl)
The last time we saw Jon Henrik back in 2019, he had a faint air of yesterday's man about him. His is a kind of schtick which is inevitably going to lose impact the more times it's repeated, and with a third near-miss notched up, it felt like his moment had probably passed. But then that same year saw KEiiNO become breakout stars with a similar pop meets Sami vibe, and suddenly it looked as though maybe JHF had been slept on all along, particularly as Sweden continued to struggle with scoring big televotes in Eurovision.
Three years later he's back again, but with popular Swedish dance producer Arc North behind the (fake) decks, in addition to newcomer Adam Woods on non-joik vocals. All this suggests our man from Mittådalen might be making a timely effort to mix things up a little. Getting a plum heat-closer when you're on your fourth go-round is a fair show of confidence, so this is likely to be a front runner to go straight to the finals.
That's everything! We get journalist reviews on Tuesday and presumably SNIPPETS on Weds or Thurs. Enjoy!
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It FAMOUSLY HAD THREE!*
