Moopyvision 2000-2009: Round 1 - Sweden, UK & Macedonia RESULTS

[GinAg (39)]

Speaking of WET FLANNELS

 

[Raining on Me]

Yeah the write-ups are ace, especially for the less informed/forgetful/ignorant among us. I won't remember even 10% of these years so I'm thoroughly enjoying (and ing) the @Penelope analysis

 

[dmlaw]

When a song forces you to give points to both Jemini and Scooch whilst leaving you very certain that you’ve made the right decision, it must be bad indeed. Fuck you, Andy Abraham and Rest In Piss, Terry Wogan.

 

[Penelope]

9th: James Fox - Hold On To Our Love (45 points)

Representing the BBC sending for a face-saving safe pair of hands following Jemini's NUL POINTS shame, it's nonetheless little surprise that James comes second from last here. You can say a few things about this, but it really DOESN'T represent giving the gays everything they want. It garnered what may have seemed like a disappointing 16th place at the time, but by 2010s standards it's practically a triumph (within shot of the left-hand side! A mere place lower than Lucie Jones! )

Given all that, it's a bit odd that this isn't a path the BBC have gone more down since. Certainly it feels a bit like the sort of thing that could probably score a top ten at some point - and given the BBC certainly aren't giving the gays everything they want as it is, surely poaching the odd decent result with something a bit more het-pleasing and mode given the popularity of this sort of sound lately is the least you could expect...

Anyway, obviously basically all of you hated it

1 x 6 (dmlaw)
4 x 0 (Suomi, auretz, Zu 2, Music)

 

[Raining on Me]

I really hope a dazzling Eurovision female with a "whiff of the SOUK", disguised as a carer, made Terry watch this contest unfold and the UK's subsequent failure with this deathly piece of dreck, before casually switching off his life support and mincing out

 

[Raining on Me]

By which I mean ANDY of course.

James being a million times better and still coma inducing says a lot

 

[Penelope]

8th: Jemini - Cry Baby (79 points)

Just as the common theme of Sweden in the 00s was sending something ABBA-esque and finishing fifth, one of the common themes that stands out throughout the decade for the UK is sending something pandering to the trends of the time, either in the charts or in the contest - and getting completely fucking steamrollered by something someone else sent that did the same thing better in every way.

Iraq, frankly, is a silly excuse when you consider the kinds of percentages needed to garner just one point from another country's televote. The off-key vocals (after their in-ear monitors failed on the night) are an easy and obvious justification to reach for, but one that doesn't particularly stack up when you look at plenty of the performances that managed to rack up votes in the early 00s. Honestly, even if the vocals had been entirely together, it's hard to imagine this doing much better than the bottom five either way. A decent pop track (and bless him: even though she's car crashing her way through the whole thing, he certainly does his best to try get the most out of the performance - though sadly mugged his way through every camera appearance for the rest of the evening and as such had to be put down too for his own sake ) vaguely flirting with the Latin guitar trends of the time it may have been, but why would you have voted for this when you had Dime (also unlistenably out of tune) outperforming it in its own category in almost EVERY SINGLE WAY?




Anyway, they came last with nul, the papers were horrified and summarily decided all of Europe hated us, she went off and got convicted for benefits fraud and complained that she never wanted to hear about the contest ever again, and I'm sure I heard a rumour on here that he'd been spotted taking to getting barebacked on cam during his weekends a few years ago. All's well that ends well, eh?

1 x 10 (Zu 2 - you GHASTLY SICK PIG! )
2 x 0 (Diddy, Queen of the Bay)

 

[Zu]

EIGHTH? It's a LIFE HIGHLIGHT!

 

[Soldi]

Oh Zu

 

[dmlaw]

Dime may have been out of tune, but I was not staring constantly at her round, perky vocals.

 

[Zu]

Oh this picture has ALWAYS been a favourite

 

[Zu]

For something to STILL cause joy, horror and laughter after all this time merits many points

It could hardly have been WORSE!

 

[Penelope]

7th: Scooch - Flying the Flag (For You) (120 points)

Representing the UK at its most "here, LAP THIS UP you BASIC FAGS", this was probably *spiritually* the national nadir in terms of BBC effort - but god, if we're going to fail miserably every year, I really wouldn't mind us doing THIS a little more often from time to time these days. A teenage Pen was furious at the time, with the much mourned Cyndi being knocked out of the way as that prick Barrowman laid it on thick for the viewers asking "are you choosing a GOOD song, or a EUROVISION song?".

However, these days I've made my peace with it. True to form, it got completely steamrollered in the event - if you wanted camp fun on the night, you probably weren't paying much attention to anything immediately following Verka Serduchka, and lord knows Scooch were no Verka Serduchka - but I presume the UK fans at least had fun dancing to this at Euroclub. I don't ask for much, you know?

(separately, I'm pretty sure the shrewish black haired one has *also* had a 'seen in the wild' bareback on cam incident over the years )

3 x 12 (Tisch, ZenGiraffe, Jacques)
2 x 0 (Pingu, Madison)

 

[Madíson]

Three(!) twelves!

 

[Zu]

7th: Scooch - Flying the Flag (For You) (120 points)

Representing the UK at its most "here, LAP THIS UP you BASIC FAGS", this was probably *spiritually* the national nadir in terms of BBC effort - but god, if we're going to fail miserably every year, I really wouldn't mind us doing THIS a little more often from time to time these days. A teenage Pen was furious at the time, with the much mourned Cyndi being knocked out of the way as that prick Barrowman laid it on thick for the viewers asking "are you choosing a GOOD song, or a EUROVISION song?".

However, these days I've made my peace with it. True to form, it got completely steamrollered in the event - if you wanted camp fun on the night, you probably weren't paying much attention to anything immediately following Verka Serduchka, and lord knows Scooch were no Verka Serduchka - but I presume at least the UK fans had fun dancing to this at Euroclub. I don't ask for much, you know?

(separately, I'm pretty sure the shrewish black haired one has *also* had a 'seen in the wild' bareback on cam incident over the years )

3 x 12 (Tisch, ZenGiraffe, Jacques)
2 x 0 (Pingu, Madison)

at this shameful, hateful toss getting THREE TWELVES!

Mind you I gave it eight for that very RAISON

 

[Tisch]

ICONIC!

 

[Zu]

So many vile things about that Scooch horror but the GHASTLY TALKING BITS about nuts, etc. really are such a tatty low. Poor Svetlana (and other viewers Europe-wide) must have had NO IDEA what he was going on about!

Also the cheap staging

 

[Zu]

Also the lovely brunette lady looking frankly SLIGHTLY TOO OLD for such a business and certainly OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW BETTER!

 

[Zu]

There's also a great bit when the camera circles round and faces the audience so you can see their POV and I swear I can hear at least one of them thinking WHY AM I DOING THIS

 

[Raining on Me]

I did wonder if the UK would get one of the biggest ranges of 12s, looks like we're on track on the basis I suppose that you've got give 12 to SOMETHING here

 

[Saltwater]

10th: Martin Stenmarck - Las Vegas (15 points)

Go on girl, give us nothing!

Possibly the standout instance in the decade of a nation dropping the ball in its televised selection, gays across a continent were left horrified and tutting after having their Pavlovian instincts whetted in the high-wattage 2005 final by Sweden’s flag coming up, only for an OC-haired heterosexual to come manspreading out with a bevy of whores in the latest Juicy Couture fashions of the time and a song with all the excitement of an X Factor Big Band week. To add insult to injury, gays doing the extra reading have spent the years since being aghast on finding out it denied us THIS mad old witch manspreading out with a bevy of whores and chubby guitarists in the latest Juicy Cou-[someone give this sentence a better ending for me please cheers thanks x]. Fine, he made it up to us later to some extent with a fuckable bald phase and a fairly listenable Melodifestivalen comeback nearly a decade later, but some crimes truly do DEFY FORGIVENESS

With an overwhelming dismissal of a score from Moopy matched only by the likes of So Lucky and That’s How You Write A Song, I declare this NEITHER USE NOR ORNAMENT!

1 x 5 (David 5000)
15 x 0 (VoR, Penelope, Soldi, Pingu, ButterTart, Suomi, Ag, Tisch, ZenGiraffe, Music, Ill Advised, Broomhelga, Jacques, auretz, Diddy)

I gave him a whole point

 

[Zu]

I did wonder if the UK would get one of the biggest ranges of 12s, looks like we're on track on the basis I suppose that you've got give 12 to SOMETHING here

I bet there are SOME who thought Scooch was actually FUN in its truest sense, rather than voting for it for reasons which are mainly BLEAK

 

[Penelope]

6th: Daz Sampson - Teenage Life (134 points)

I have to admit - as the week's gone on, I've found myself ever-so slightly COMPELLED by this

If nothing else, you certainly can't accuse it of lacking ambition, which is more than you can say for most of what we've sent in the last twenty years. It's also one of the few post-millennium UK entries which actually viably passed for being in tune with the musical trends of the time, scoring three weeks in the UK top twenty and climbing to a peak of #8. I'm also quite drawn to how transparently do-or-die the whole thing was for him. Give or take the odd Jade Ewen and Lucie Jones, every UK entry this century has clearly been the last chance swansong of each performer's career, but few have reeked as much of it - or been as eminently watchable as a result - as Daz Sampson. It's basically Charlotte Perrelli - The Girl for straight men

4 x 12 (auretz, Zu 2, ButterTart, dmlaw - SEE! I TOLD YOU!)
1 x 0 (win the game)

 

[dmlaw]

I just want to know who the waspish double entendres were even meant to appeal to. I know the gays can have low standards, byt not THAT low.

 

[Zu]

I just want to know who the waspish double entendres were even meant to appeal to. I know the gays can have low standards, but not THAT low.

YOU'D BE SURPRISED

 

[dmlaw]

I hope everyone realises that Daz could be reading all of this. I will never understand why he decided to change his screen name to @Beverley

 

[Kratz]

I have to say, I really enjoyed reliving the UK in the period. As Pen said as the start, it is a batshit selection and that was far better than the 2010s when we just became boring.

Dubovie remains the utter utter nadir of UK participation for me.

Also, Lena Ph below Carola? Come on!

 

[Zu]

6th: Daz Sampson - Teenage Life (134 points)

I have to admit - as the week's gone on, I've found myself ever-so slightly COMPELLED by this

Also at my not being the only lunatic who gave it a 12

 

[Penelope]

OMG how did I forget Dubovie

 

[Kratz]

6th: Daz Sampson - Teenage Life (134 points)

I have to admit - as the week's gone on, I've found myself ever-so slightly COMPELLED by this

If nothing else, you certainly can't accuse it of lacking ambition, which is more than you can say for most of what we've sent in the last twenty years. It's also one of the few post-millennium UK entries which actually viably passed for being in tune with the musical trends of the time, scoring three weeks in the UK top twenty and climbing to a peak of #8. I'm also quite drawn to how transparently do-or-die the whole thing was for him. Give or take the odd Jade Ewen and Lucie Jones, every UK entry this century has clearly been the last chance swansong of each performer's career, but few have reeked as much of it - or been as eminently watchable as a result - as Daz Sampson. It's basically Charlotte Perrelli - The Girl for straight men

4 x 12 (auretz, Zu 2, ButterTart, dmlaw - SEE! I TOLD YOU!)
1 x 0 (win the game)

If you strip away the ENTIRE Daz role, there is a good pop song in there!

 

[Soldi]

Creepiness aside, Teenage Life is actually quite a good song!

 

[dmlaw]

Also at my not being the only lunatic who gave it a 12

We are clearly just correct. It hasn't been a long time since WE had a teenage life.

Shush.

 

[Soldi]

And @dazsampson remains the only Moopy poster to take part in Eurovision, I think?

 

[GinAg (39)]

I hope their school could afford safeguarding.

 

[Kratz]

There was also a brief moment in the scoring where it was doing quite well…then it dropped like a stone.

 

[Zu]

If you strip away the ENTIRE Daz role, there is a good pop song in there!

I didn't have the slightest intention of giving it a 12 until I revisited all of them and realised that's it's quite stirring in a weird way (mind you, G Major always sets me off)

Daz UP!

 

[Penelope]

And @dazsampson remains the only Moopy poster to take part in Eurovision, I think?

We literally spent all the run up to this year talking about Rita entering for Cyprus?

 

[Zu]

Has our poor dear @Penelope got the noddies?

 

[Raining on Me]

I bet there are SOME who thought Scooch was actually FUN in its truest sense, rather than voting for it for reasons which are mainly BLEAK

EVERY vote in this section is shrouded in bleakness. My 12 went to what I felt was the best all round package, but like most other delights here, its journey was PURE bleak

Also at looking back on this era with fondness simply because what came later was WORSE

 

[Zu]

EVERY vote in this section is shrouded in bleakness.