Moopyvision 2000-2009: Round 7 - Turkey, Denmark, Belarus & Georgia RESULTS

[Penelope]

5th: Petr Elfimov - Eyes That Never Lie (74pts)

More cock rock, although some which at least had the decency to really ramp up the drama. I always remembered this for being Scott Mills' oddly dark horse pick as one of his favourites from its semi in 2009 given how absurdly stacked a year it was, and since then it seems to have gone down as almost something of a fan favourite, getting the Eurovision Again nod for Belarus for the non-qualifiers contest in 2020 - astonishing given the sheer pedigree it was up against in Belarus's other non-qualifiers.

Anyway, Europe was much less impressed, with this going out 13th in its semi with a meagre 25 points. Someone pull up his Instagram - I'm terrified to find out what he looks like now, but feel like I'm likely all the poorer for not knowing.

2 x 12 (@ButterTart, @Diddy)
4 x 0 (@Soldi, @VoR, @auretz, @Ill Advised)

 

[Suomi]

Petr Elfimov - Eyes That Never Lie

Interesting, a YouTube video detailing the steadicam shot in this has 5 times as many views as the actual performance video!



It is a really cool shot and it got a few more points from me as a result

 

[win_the_game]

Someone pull up his Instagram - I'm terrified to find out what he looks like now, but feel like I'm likely all the poorer for not knowing.

Currently channeling Sheryl Crow circa 2003.

 

[Penelope]

How's Ruslan Alehno doing now?

 

[ButterTart]

5th: Petr Elfimov - Eyes That Never Lie (74pts)

More cock rock, although some which at least had the decency to really ramp up the drama. I always remembered this for being Scott Mills' oddly dark horse pick as one of his favourites from its semi in 2009 given how absurdly stacked a year it was, and since then it seems to have gone down as almost something of a fan favourite, getting the Eurovision Again nod for Belarus for the non-qualifiers contest in 2020 - astonishing given the sheer pedigree it was up against in Belarus's other non-qualifiers.

Anyway, Europe was much less impressed, with this going out 13th in its semi with a meagre 25 points. Someone pull up his Instagram - I'm terrified to find out what he looks like now, but feel like I'm likely all the poorer for not knowing.

1 x 12 (@ButterTart)
4 x 0 (@Soldi, @VoR, @auretz, @Ill Advised)

Oh for fuck's sake

Shirley Ghostmas deserves far better than this brutal SNUB.

 

[Penelope]

4th: Polina Smolova - Mum (79pts)

A curiously K-pop-esque offering in this hypercharged Energizer bunny fluff. It's almost impossible to tell given how much it gets mangled in her heavy accent, but the lyrics here have that classic slightly-better-English-than-you-really-ought-to-be-getting quality you often get in ESL pop - how often do you ever hear anyone get called an "arrant liar" outside of Victorian literature?

Spirited performance it may have been, this nonetheless left Belarus finishing second from last in a 23 song semi in Athens, with a miserable 10 point haul (all from Russia, Ukraine and Moldova). Polina was naturally later turned into fertiliser.

2 x 10 (@auretz, @Music)
2 x 0 (@Queen of the Bay, @Pingu)

 

[Penelope]

A mere FIFTEEN POINTS separates the top three...

 

[win_the_game]

I swear if Angie doesn't win...

 

[Penelope]

3rd: Dmitry Koldun - Work Your Magic (148pts)

God I FUCKING LOVE this camped up melodramatic nonsense Penned by the patron saint of Slavic gays, Philipp Kirkorov, and paired up with possibly the most touche éclated contestant Eurovision had seen yet (or SINCE - did CONCHITA even wear that much foundation?!) in Russian Fame Academy analog Fabrika Zvyozd season six winner Koldun, Belarus were smarting like hell after three years stuck in the semis since their debut on the trot, and turned up in Helsinki meaning business.

Pulling out all the stops - including a SHADY LADY backing singer who may very well have been Hera Bjork - everyone's favourite runt kid brother nation managed to scramble together a very respectable sixth place finish from a third slot performance slot, which still now stands as Belarus's best result in the contest (a record likely to stand for the foreseeable future, give or take a Lukashenko heart attack), and which could've plausibly maybe even threatened the top three had it been on more towards the business end of things.

Koldun's since maintained a relatively successful career in Russia and got himself married (to a WOMAN!) with two children, so certainly I doubt he minds all that much that he didn't get a podium finish at least. Brava, queen!

2 x 12 (@David 5000, @dmlaw)
2 x 1 (@ButterTart, @Tisch)

 

[ButterTart]

I just find him unbearably sinister.

 

[Penelope]

2nd: Aleksandra & Konstantin - My Galileo (154pts)

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

I'm sorry but I'm immediately awarding this the Visionary Dream Award. I may have called that the most striking, accomplished, and immediately recognisably reflective of its national culture debut entry the contest has seen, but the crucial difference between that and this is this is more a vision of what it would've been like if Madonna locked herself in William Orbit's car, then got out two years later after not getting her way and immediately fell down a flight of stairs from dehydration before recording the Music album

Frankly, it's a lifelong obsession which just taps into something deep and primal inside of me. Not since My Star had we seen a debut this fucked up and winsome, but unlike that, this lovable Chernobyl victim bollocks 100% fell the wrong side of the line on coming across as novelty freakery to the European audience, and ended up finishing a gruesome, heartbreaking joint 19th out of 22 in its semi with 10 points (just one from outside the former USSR, with Iceland having a grudging appreciation for a good pair of shut-in freaks). Nonetheless, the dream will never die on Moopy, with Aleksandra & Konstantin earning themselves a ticket to andra chansen at the very least here. Sail on!

7 x 12 (@Penelope, @VoR, @Queen of the Bay, @auretz, @Ill Advised, @Haiku, @ZenGiraffe)
3 x 0 (@ButterTart, @Kevin7, @dmlaw - MONSTERS!)

 

[Saltwater]

I didn't expect this to get any zeros at all, let alone 3!!!

 

[Madíson]

Some bizarre votes

 

[Penelope]

1st: Angelica Agurbash - Love Me Tonight (163pts)

I'm sorry, but if anyone thinks anything better sums up the spirit of the Eurovision than a simply UNSTOPPABLY elegant and sexy 50 year old woman heading on 30 goat-yodeling her way through a Gloria Gaynor rehash and three garments that cost over $1 million US dollars between them, then they're wrong, we're going to fight, and I'm using nails.

8 x 12 (@win_the_game, @Soldi, @Pingu, @Suomi, @Kevin7, @Madison, @Music, @Tisch)
1 x 0 (@ZenGiraffe )

 

[Penelope]

Come back tomorrow for the HOT DANISH AND TURKISH FINISH!

 

[Saltwater]

Really tight on the top, must have been exciting to see the votes coming in. Thank you Penelope!!!

 

[win_the_game]

The right top 2 Moopy. Well done.

My Galileo remains one of the greatest debut entries. I've always enjoyed the promo vid. Particularly Aleksandra's range of GLASS EYED facial expressions.

 

[ZenGiraffe]

1st: Angelica Agurbash - Love Me Tonight (163pts)

I'm sorry, but if anyone thinks anything better sums up the spirit of the Eurovision than a simply UNSTOPPABLY elegant and sexy 50 year old woman heading on 30 goat-yodeling her way through a Gloria Gaynor rehash and three garments that cost over $1 million US dollars between them, then they're wrong, we're going to fight, and I'm using nails.

8 x 12 (@win_the_game, @Soldi, @Pingu, @Suomi, @Kevin7, @Madison, @Music, @Tisch)
1 x 0 (@ZenGiraffe )

So you know those stories where the government is doing a reshuffle and a sticky note falls off the board and the person is just forgotten about?

Uhm, yeah.

 

[D5K]

Come back tomorrow for the HOT DANISH AND TURKISH FINISH!

Do love a hot Danish.

 

[dmlaw]

I just find him unbearably sinister.

He is playing a stage magician. Of course, he’s unbearably sinister. He deserves an Oscar for that performance.

 

[Madíson]

He is playing a stage magician. Of course, he’s unbearably sinister. He deserves an Oscar for that performance.

He’s the hot favourite for Best Actress this year.

EDIT: No wait, I’m confusing him with Kristen Stewart.

 

[Diddy]

Ohhh.. that won? I tried to like it but it was just… yeah, mature woman doing something camp. I think I was with the straights in the Belarus race. Where did my 12 go?? Wasn’t it Petr?

 

[Diddy]

It WAS Petr! I stand with @ButterTart

 

[Diddy]

Hang on, did you forget me and @zen then?

 

[Diddy]

Oh right I can’t @nicknames

 

[Tisch]

@doddy

 

[Soldi]

@Tischlampe

 

[Penelope]

Who wants some more results? Report back here IN AN HOUR

 

[Penelope]

9th: Simon Mathew - All Night Long (40pts)

Do you care? Does anyone care? Denmark built itself up a nasty brand towards the back half of the decade as the most MOR nation going, and it was all the more offensive when it ended up in trite toss like this qualifying and then finishing 15th. I feel like stuff like this is at least semi-bearable when it comes top ten - you know it was pitching to an audience somewhere in complete opposition to your values, but at least someone got something out of it. Ditto when it comes bottom five - you can glory in it crashing and burning. 15th, however, is the ultimate in "well, you had to go through this and basically nobody was delighted by the experience or the outcome, so here we are". But you still had to go through it.

3 x 6 (@Queen of the Bay, @Kevin7, @Music)
7 x 0 (@Penelope, @win_the_game, @ButterTart, @Suomi, @Madison, @Diddy, @ZenGiraffe)

 

[win_the_game]

I’m no fan of Hero but the fact it scored fewer points at Eurovision that this MOR dirge was an absolute joke.

 

[Penelope]

I’m no fan of Hero but the fact it scored fewer points at Eurovision that this MOR dirge was an absolute joke.

@Moderator @Administrator kill him for fake news please

 

[floppet]

kill him for fake news please

Please only use the Moderator/Admin shoutout for proper reports.

 

[Penelope]

8th: Jakob Sveistrup - Talking To You (40pts)

Sub-Phil Collins toss by the gay from Jemini in Danish witness protection. Neither use nor ornament.

(I'm *so* sorry for making you have to vote for at least two of these Danish tracks.)

1 x 8 (@Queen of the Bay)
6 x 0 (@Soldi, @VoR, @auretz, @David 5000, @dmlaw, @Music)

 

[Penelope]

By the way if we can get Insta updates going on some of these Danish contestants - I have a vague sense they may be the ONLY WORTH we can scrape out of them

 

[ZenGiraffe]

Please only use the Moderator/Admin shoutout for proper reports.

To be fair, @win_the_game basically committed a hate crime.

 

[dmlaw]

If we are talking about punishment for win_the_game’s lies, he’s probably rather more concerned about what @Suomi is planning to do with that car battery.

 

[win_the_game]

To be fair, @win_the_game basically committed a hate crime.

This is defamation.

 

[Penelope]

7th: Thomas Thordarson - Shame On You (69pts)

God this is SINISTER. Halfway between a nasty hangover from the Latin pop craze and a Justin Timberlake track, this one really ascends to its own level when BATTERING RAM FIVEHEAD Thomas decides to whip out the Heelys/vampire levitate his way across stage for the apex of this, but sadly it doesn't really bother trying to be anywhere near as entertaining for the rest of it.

13th in its semi and out, which hints that it probably would've been on the cusp of qualifying in the two-semi age, but something tells me this wasn't missing out on a glory finish on the weekend main stage whatever happened.

1 x 10 (@Diddy)
2 x 0 (@Pingu, @Haiku)

 

[Penelope]

6th: Brinck - Believe Again (74pts)

Oh sure, you might have sex with him, but let's not pretend there's any way you're convincingly carrying off that you've listened to his album after.

1 x 12 (@Diddy )
1 x 0 (@Ill Advised)

 

[ZenGiraffe]

This is defamation.

Do not make me set @dmlaw on you. I will stand him down if you apologise on screen to me, Penelope, the Moopy community as a whole, and of course Anna Jenny Charlotte Perrelli née Nilsson for spreading your lies and vicious rumours about her 2008 Eurovision victory.