Moopyvision 2010-2019: Round 1: Sweden, UK & San Marino - RESULTS

9th: Robin Stjernberg - You (47pts)

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Melfest 2013 has gone down in history as one of the more confounding failed experiments of Sweden's Eurovision decade. Fresh from their long-awaited 5th victory in 2012, a home Contest would have been an ideal time for the Swedes to do a victory lap with one of their most beloved divas or a major artist of the time.

Instead, the producers took the decision to attempt a full recasting, stacking the deck with new and untested artists over the usual blend of assured familiar faces. It backfired spectacularly when it turned out barely any of these artists had the chops or charisma to carry a regional production of Rent, let alone the biggest pop contest in the country.

With precious little to choose from, Robin Stjernberg became the uneasy consensus winner after televote fave YOHIO was rejected by the juries on account of his unfortunate inability to sing in tune. He seemed a nice enough chap, and he could certainly belt it out, but there was a distinct lack of star quality on display here.

Fortunately Sweden course corrected in 2014, but what a total missed opportunity this was.

Highest score: 10 (Superstylin)
Lowest score: 0 (Kevin, Ag)
 
8th: Benjamin Ingrosso - Dance You Off (62pts)

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Dance You off is arguably everything right and wrong with what Sweden bring to the Eurovision ball circa the late 2010s. It's slickly produced, expertly staged modern pop with a photogenic(ish), competent(ish) performer holding it together. The juries are always going to favour this kind of thing, but there's something a little bit soulless and clinical at the heart that never quite seems to inspire the televoters to the same extent.

This was the starkest example of the issue when Benji plunged from second place with the Juries to a mortifying 23rd place on the Televote, one of most pronounced splits in Eurovision history.

He's done alright out of it though, transforming himself from terrified nepotism case study to a sort of provincial Bieber figure with a regular presence on the Swedish charts. Think of him as the Olly Murs of Eurovision voting.

Highest Score: 10 (Jacques)
3 x 0s (David_5000, Suomi, Buttertart)
 
7th: Anna Bergendahl - This Is My Life (63pts)

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The sacrificial lamb on which Sweden's 2010s success was built, poor little Anna Bergendahl triumphed in an uncharacteristically weak Melfest field in 2010 only to crash and burn spectacularly across the border in Oslo.

There's nothing especially wrong with her or the song (shush Alla), and you could actually argue that like Frans she was tapping into the late 00s vogue for diffident female singer-songwriters in the early Ellie Goulding / Amy McDonald mould. But for some reason it didn't connect on the night, and has the ignominious distinction of being Sweden's only non-qualifier of the modern Eurovision era.

She picked herself up though and had a nice little redemptive run at Melfest 2019, reaching the finals with the genuinely brilliant 'Ashes to Ashes'. She's back again this year too, so we'll see just how far the goodwill can take her...

Highest score: 10 (David_5000)
Lowest Score: 1 (Kevin, kevin7, ameraal, ill advised)
 
YAS! I just checked if I actually gave this shit more than 1 point, but yes, Robin and Frans deserved it more.
 
Who the f*** is voting for Robin Bengtsson
 
6th: John Lundvik - Too Late For Love (68pts)

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Is it just me or does John Lundvik already kind of feel like that ex-boyfriend you occasionally see around town and wonder why you ever bothered with?

I mean, I'm pretty sure we all liked it at the time, and it actually had the most commanding victory in Melfest history, with a perfect score topping every jury and the televote. And yet... does anybody still go back to it?

The near-unanimously middling scores suggest not. This actually course corrected considerably after Benjamin's humiliation, but was still over-marked enough by the Juries to obscure his actually very respectable televote placement.

It was supposed to be a contender, but in the end... it wasn't.

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Highest Score: 8 (Ill Advised)
Lowest Score: 1 (Jacques, Superstylin')
 
The winner is obvious, but I can't tell the top 3, Sanna should be there, and then Mans? (I hope not).
 
I hope you gave your 0 to Loreen.

As much as Euphoria infuriates me these days, I felt like I had to use a bit of sense with where I ranked it.

Statements on the other hand, if that had made it, would've been my 0 without a doubt.
 
5th: Robin Bengtsson - I Can't Go On (83pts)

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Chalk this up as a surprise success story in this rate. I had no idea it was so well-liked.

Another slick, efficient, vaguely robotic Swedish entry that did the job and went home, I Can't Go On was nicely choreographed and well performed, but you'd struggle to pick him out of a police lineup today in all honesty.

Even Sweden sort of forgot about him after this, none of his follow-up singles did much and I think he runs a barber shop now. He's back at Melfest this year though, a notably rapid turnaround for a recent winner that probably speaks to his limited prospects elsewhere.

Still, chalk this up as a very competent mid-placer.

Highest score: 10 (Win The Game)
2 x 0 (Jacques, Pingu)
 
4th: Måns Zelmerlöw - Heroes (87pts)

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Sweden's most recent winner gets surprisingly short shrift from Moopy voters. It was always going to be competitive at the top end for this country, but only a few points prevented Heroes from being pushed down into fifth behind forgettable old Robin Bengtsson. Who knew?

For my money it's a very good stab at blending Eurovision showmanship with mid-00s EDM. The comparisons to big dance hits of the time were broadly made, although I forget which one he was specifically accused of ripping off. Great stage concept too, and in a fairly flat Eurovision year he cruised to victory over an Italian opera trio and a Russian lady having an onstage nervous breakdown.

He's since made decent inroads as a TV star in Sweden and (to a lesser extent) here in the UK. Had we been voting on Love Love, Peace Peace I imagine he would have been a bit higher...

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Highest score: 10 (Kevin)
Lowest score: 2 (Penelope, Win The Game)
 
3rd: Sanna Nielsen - Undo (109pts)

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After seven attempts to get to the Eurovision stage, Sweden's sweetheart Sanna Nielsen finally got her shot in 2014 after a tightly-fought race with face of youth culture Ace Wilder. Undo is pretty much the gold standard of how you deliver this kind of power-ballad, with superb vocals, a classy but impactful stage show and an emotive delivery that belies the essential stupidity of the lyrics (still waiting for somebody to undo my sad :().

In a year without Conchita, this may well have triumphed, but a respectable bronze medal feels correct for Sanna and this song. Just a shame we had to burn her at the stake afterwards, but she signed that blood contract fair and square.

Highest Score: 10 (VoR, Kalabaliken, Ag, RoM, Ill Advised)
Lowest Score: 2 (David_5000)
 
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I don't hate Heroes, but I never loved it. Still I was delighted it won.
 
Undo was fun and all and a nice fairytale ending for Sanna, but really too slackjawedly basic a track to be quite as high as it is here.
 
2nd: Eric Saade - Popular (129pts)

1 x 12: (Penelope)
1 x 0: (superstylin')


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Let's be honest, this one was always going to be a battle for second place, but Eric makes a very strong showing over more ostensibly Moopy-friendly competition and easily claims the runner-up spot.

Eurovision 2011 was a right mess in many ways, not least the random draw that placed pretty much all the pre-Contest favourites in the first ten songs. The result was a little-loved victory for Azerbaijan and a noticeably stronger producer hand in future running orders.

In a different shake-up this probably would have been Sweden's fifth win, but it wasn't to be. Eric did fairly well out of the whole thing anyway, still popping up occasionally on Swedish TV and radio. And more importantly, he opened the door for...

1st: Loreen - Euphoria (194pts)

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Well, obviously. :disco:

She may have rudely failed to become a global superstar in its wake, but Euphoria remains a defining moment in modern Eurovision. Not only in terms of finally delivering Sweden their first win of the 21st century, but becoming a legit global smash hit on a scale not seen since Gina G two decades earlier. Number one in 17 countries, top three in the UK, and a deathless classic to this day.

Until something comes along to match/top it, Euphoria is the standard to which all other Eurovision winners will and should be judged, a shadow hanging over the contest, mumbling semi-coherently "Be this good" before breaking out into a Sash-reminiscent dance break and wandering off to get baked for a couple of years.

15 x 12 points
2 x non-12 points (Penelope - 10, Jacques - 4)
 
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Quick break before I return with the UK. Christ this takes longer than I anticipated :D
 
Sorry, I know Euphoria is ACTUALLY a 12, but at this point it feels a bit like the Like A Prayer of Eurovision - it's obviously incredible, but it feels so well acknowledged and so overplayed that I can't say it can actually make me FEEL anything anymore

On the other hand, Popular is possibly behind only Blame It On The Disco and On Top of the World (Safura Butcher Discotits Remix) as the gayest song recorded this decade. The sound of a thousand glittering discoballs exploding at once :disco: :disco: :disco:
 
Say Na Na Na is just so much fun when experienced live. By far the least successful artist at Het Grote Songfestivalfeest but he got the crowd going.
 
United Kingdom

10th: Electro Velvet - Still In Love With You (33pts)

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On my very kindest day, I could argue that there was, at the very least, a germ of an idea behind this entry. Electro swing was a relatively untested genre that had potential novelty appeal without seeming to come from a place of utter contempt for the Contest. It might, on paper, have worked.

The big problem with Still In Love With You is that it is entirely ersatz. They didn't hire two experienced electro swing enthusiasts, but a pair of woefully mismatched journeymen - she an undistinguished X factor and The Voice auditionee, he a veteran of the tribute act circuit - with all the chemistry that such a hastily arranged marriage would imply.

He did his best, she looked like she would rather have been anywhere in the world. The song was terrible. Somehow we still did better than Austria, Germany and France.

Highest Score: 8 (Alla)
7x 0s (Ill advised, lolly, ameraal, Kalabaliken, Win_The_Game, Penelope, Pingu)
 
I'm still ASTONISHED that Austrian entry did worse than us. Not least because the scat verse might have been the most disgusting musical moment of the decade.

(@Zu-Klara be a love and post the potato waffles clip would you :disco:)
 

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